Monday June 7, 2010

I remember last time I updated I was thinking "wow- I'm doing well.  I should plan on writing every day this month."  Well... that didn't go so great as you can see.  Thursday was not a good day for me at all.  It was a very rough day emotionally.  I can't think of a specific reason but I know I was not happy and grumpy all day.  I was so close to giving up, giving in to temptation and going back to my addiction.  But I didn't and I'm so grateful I didn't.  The rest of the weekend went pretty well from what I can remember.  Today was a pretty swell day.  I was very productive and had a heart to heart with Heavenly Father this morning asking him to help me be more wise and productive with my time and help me with my goal not only to not spend time playing games on the computer (I failed at that goal last week:/ ), but also to only get on the computer twice a day to check my email, blog or facebook.  I can say that that has resulted in a very productive day today.  My house is very clean, my laundry is all done, my family's been fed well today, I've been spiritually nourished through scripture study and reading the June New Era and I've prayed for forgiveness since I yelled and lost my temper.  I'm still pleading for help in being able to control my emotions and reactions and to "school my feelings."  It's such a hard weakness to deal with because I hate it about myself and it comes with a lot of guilt.  But I honestly believe that Heavenly Father will help me overcome this weakness.  I will have faith.  I'm dealing with some major tooth pain again but I'm not going to get mad or ask "why me?" this time.  I'm praying for help to endure and if it is His will, to take away the pain.  I'm going to have Robert give me a blessing and go to sleep and hopefully I'll feel better.  I'm so grateful I have him and that I have a worthy Priesthood holder as my husband and in my home.  We had a great FHE tonight about service.  We watched Pres. Monson's talk about service from last General Conference in October.  Baily was so reverent and watched the whole thing.  She was so involved during the lesson.  We made some goals to do certain acts of service for a family member, friend, acquaintance and stranger.  We also decided to start a family service journal where we will talk about what we did for someone that day during dinner and write it in our journal.  I'm so grateful for FHE and for our Prophet and this council to serve others.  I'm so grateful to see progress and feel good about my job as a parent as I see Baily learning and understanding gospel principles.  She's learning and growing so much right now.  I just love her so much.  I'm sure there's more I want to right about but I'm hurting and I'm exhausted.  I will do better this week about my journal:)