Dearest Mother Whom I love so much!,
I suck. I'm sorry. I know it sounds so lame but I haven't had any money to get the pictures printed so I've been putting off writing to you because I feel guilty. Sorry momma. I'm hoping I will have a few extra bucks tomorrow, pay day, to get some pics printed for you and pick you up some cards but no promises. But at least I can write you a letter right?! I love you!
So since we got back from AZ things have been a little bit crazy. I got super sick again, started bleeding, was put on bed rest, got really depressed, Robert flew out to VA (it was for a security company in Arlington- basically in Washington DC) for a final interview, we thought for sure he had the job, found out he didn't get it, our van got repossessed after being one month late (what a jerk the car guy is!), Joaquin suffered through some really bad diaper/yeast infections. I know how depressing that must sound but really mom, we are doing so good right now. I'm doing much better- I had forgotten what it felt like to not be sick, and off of bed rest. My energy is back and I feel human again. We found out yesterday that we are have a.... drumroll please.... BOY! We are excited. It seems as though my posterity is following in the steps of my life. And that's awesome. After struggling so much I finally kicked my rear in gear and got diligent about my prayers and scriptures and, no suprise, my life got much better. I haven't been able to take my meds because they make me so sick so my depression is just being dealt with strictly by prayer and it's a miracle because I'm surviving and thriving. We have been very diligent about having family prayer and scripture study and Family Home Evening and haven't missed a day in over a week. We've also made a family goal to each personally read from the Book Of Mormon every day. I read Joaquin one verse, Baily one page and Robert and I have committed to at least 5 minutes or a chapter a day (that was the Bishop's challenge to the ward). Before we had that FHE where we made that goal and talked about the BOM (we read Elder Holland's amazing talk Safety for the Soul in the Nov. '09 Ensign- if you haven't read it yet... DO IT!!!), Satan attacked us. I didn't understand why we were all in such a foul mood that day and I was so grumpy and irritated. I almost just said to heck with FHE but after praying to calm down we still had our FHE. I can see now why Satan was attacking us that day- he does not want us to have the amazing blessing of the BOM in our life. We are doing a sticker chart to chart our progress and we've not missed a day in almost 2 weeks since we started our goal. I can't tell you the difference it makes in our family. While we've been going through these tough financial times and times of uncertainty Robert and I have not even argued once and have actually gotten closer. My kids are more behaved and there just seems to be so much love in our home. The Spirit is so strong. I really feel like my home is now a safe haven from the rest of the world and I can't tell you how much that means to me. We still have our rough times- I still yell and get mad at myself when I do, but we are all so much more quick to apologize and forgive. Our house has stayed clean and orderly, I've been doing great and making great home-made dinners every night and we are just closer. Baily's finally sleeping in her own bed all night, we stick to our daily and bed time routines. Things are amazing. On the surface you might see the hardships like losing our van and being so broke, but when you look deep down, our family has never been better. As much as we hated to lose our van, that means that now we don't have to be burdened with that $320 payment every month along with gas and maintenance. We still have our Camry which is fully paid for and gets amazing gas mileage (in fact, we noticed a tender mercy that lately it's getting more and more miles to the gallon... coincidence? I think not!). And since my dad is recovering from his major back surgery (he's doing well by the way), whenever I do need a car Dad and Patty let me use theirs whenever I need it. For the first time in our life, we've been faithful enough to pay our tithing even when we didn't know how we were going to survive without it. That peace of conscience that comes from being obedient is priceless. We thought for sure we were going to have to move to a small apartment closer to Robert's work in the city an hour away, but now without the van payment we will be able to stay here in our home that we love in the area we love- out of the city. It will still be tight but we can do it. I was planning on trying to find 1 or 2 kids to watch but now without my van I don't know if I'll still be able to. So while we're still trying to figure out a better way to survive financially we are surviving. Barely... but we are surviving. The Lord is with us and we feel Him and are therefore in a state of hope and not fear.
So that's where we're at. I'm sorry to say mom that we just can't afford to go see you. It kills me but there's just no way for us right now. I don't see how I'm going to make it to Alex's wedding and I just know he's going to be so upset. I hate it but it is what it is. I'm sorry mom. I really, really miss you. Baily always talks about going to Utah to see Grandma Kaybee. I hope we can sooner than later!!
Robert's doing well. He's busy working and on Thursdays he gets to play softball with a team from his work. They are horrible- they haven't won one game, but he has fun and he deserves it. He's a Ward Missionary so he gets to go on visits with the missionaries and he loves it. Our missionaries don't speak Spanish so Robert's been a real help with translating to the Hispanic investigators and non-actives they visit. He works so hard to support us and when he's home he's an amazing dad and husband. Oh how I love him!
My Baily Bug- I can't even talk about her without tearing up because she's growing up so fast. And not just growing up, but growing up beautifully. She's such a good girl mom. I don't know how I got so lucky. She has a few bratty moments here and there but she's grown out of her tantrum phase and she's just awesome. She's such a good big sister to her brother. She's always trying to take care of him and me. She really, really wanted a sister and she was so excited to go with us to the ultrasound to find out what the baby is. She held my hand through the whole thing and kept asking me if I was ok and telling me “It's ok mom. I love you so much mom. You're such a good mom mom.” She was worried that the ultrasound was hurting me even though I kept telling her it didn't hurt. She was trying to comfort me. She's been like that this whole pregnancy that I've been sick. So when we found out it was a boy she sighed and then said “It's ok mom. I'll still love my brother.” She's seriously the sweetest little girl. I was talking to Patty the other day and she was mentioning and she noticed how much Baily's grown up and how Baily reminds her of me and how I was always trying to take care of everyone. She said the only difference is, is that Baily doesn't pick on her brother like I used to and is not as bossy. Hee, hee. It's so true. She's so excited to start school in the Fall. We told her that they might not let her in if she was still sleeping with mommy and daddy so we made some goals and got our routine down, a family in our ward gave us a bunk bed so she wasn't swallowed up in that huge Queen bed and she's been sleeping in her bed for over 2 weeks now. She's all excited that now they'll let her into school. LOL. She loves to color and play with her blocks. She's so good. She's very artistic. She's not really into sports and has informed me to my great dismay that she doesn't want to play soccer. She wants to be in ballet and dance so bad so we're working on finding a way to get her into a program. She builds these amazing buildings and creations with her blocks and legos. She colors amazingly and draws pretty well too. I'll send you some of her art this weekend. She loves to play outside and find frogs and caterpillars to play with. She's starting to get into Barbie's and dolls and playing pretend everything. Her imagination is going a mile a minute all the time and I often hear her having conversations with herself and her imaginary friends. She's finally back to being a great eater and not so picky. She's always so grateful for every meal. She loves to help me in the kitchen- I need to work on being more patient with her and letting her help more. She loves to listen to her playlist on my ipod (it includes Lady Gaga, Taylor “Smith,” Hannah “Tana,” all High School Musical Songs, her Primary cd and the Newsies soundtrack). She'll put her headphones on and go into her room and sing and dance on her bed for a long time. It's so cute. But if she catches anyone watching her she gets so embarrassed. She hates when she has to much attention on her. She refuses to talk in Primary. She's still very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily. Wonder where she gets that from?! She loves church and family home evening and family prayer and scripture study. She says the sweetest prayers whether it be at meal times or family prayer or her personal prayers. We've had some pretty funny ones but it just shows us how personal her relationship with Heavenly Father is and I love it. She's got a very strong testimony of Jesus and is always talking about Him- how Jesus helps her to not be scared or have bad dreams. Whenever she feels sick or gets hurt she says “let's say a prayer mom and Jesus will help me.” She's always asking questions about Him and heaven and I just love it. When she's around her family or people she knows well she's always talking. She still loves aliens and wants to have an alien birthday party. She's just awesome mom. I just love her so much and am so, so very grateful to get to be her mom.
Joaquin- my little buddy. He melts my heart. He's getting into that terrible phase of tantrums and hitting when he doesn't get what he wants. Not cool. He's always beating up no his sister but no one else better touch her or he'll pound 'em. He picks on her but he loves her and looks up to her so much. He only likes to eat eggs, oatmeal, fruit, celery and meat. Sometimes I can get him to eat a little pasta. But he won't eat potatoes or anything that has some sort of sauce- like mayo, cream of anything, sour cream, ketchup, bbq sauce. He's weird like that. He LOVES Buzz and Woody and watches the 2 Toy Story movies a couple times a day. He carries his little Buzz and Woody toys around with him everywhere. He really likes his Spiderman underwears too. He won't wear them without a diaper but he won't get dressed without them on. LOL. He wants nothing to do with potty training and I'm fine with that. I'm not ready for that anyway. Boys really are slower than girls in that department. His smile and his laugh are so contagious. Patty's always saying how much he reminds her of Beau and after looking at a bunch of Beau's pictures, she's right. He has that same sweet smile. He's a happy kid and very tough. He never cries when he gets hurt. He got stung by a bee and instead of crying he just got mad and started trying to punch the bee. It was the funniest thing ever. He loves rough-housing with his dad. But he won't let his dad change his diaper or dress or anything. He's a total momma's boy- and secretly I love it. I think this new baby's going to be a tough adjustment for him. I don't think he'll take it out on the baby- just me. I'm excited he'll have a little brother to play with though. He also loves to be outside but he screams so loud (think Zach when we were watching Signs) if a bug or spider touches him. It's so funny. He's completely fearless and I'm convinced he'll be the first one in our family to have a broken bone. He's so short and stalky and it's so cute. We have to buy shoes like 2 sizes too big because they are so fat. They are little Fred Flinstone feet and oh they're just so delicious. He has a terrible habit of biting his nails so low. I can't get him to stop. He's talking like crazy and it's so dang cute. He talks better than most kids his age. He's really smart and catches on to things very quickly. Mostly though- he's so freakin' adorable you just wanna squeeze him- and I do a lot. He still has those soft, chubby delicious cheeks that I kiss every chance I get. Oh how I love that boy!!
And like I said earlier, I'm doing pretty great. It feels so nice to have energy and to enjoy eating again. My belly's huge but I'm not swelling up as much as I did with the other two. I'm still under my pre-pregnancy weight. I love my calling- I love my YW. I'm excited to go to girl's camp in July. I'm so excited Lee won even though I rarely got to see much of the show this year. I LOVE Glee even though I'm a couple episodes behind. It's my all time fave show. Life is good- not easy by any means, but good. I miss you momma. You're in our prayers all the time and please know we're thinking about you and talking about you and remembering you always. We are always so excited when we get your letters. Be strong! I love you for always!!!
Love For Ever,Sar Bear
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