Monday May 24, 2010

So it has been an eventful past couple of days.  I haven't been as diligent with this journal because our internet was shut off.  Our internet and cable along with our cell phones and gas service and our car being repoed.  It's been a rough couple of days.  But how grateful and happy I am to stay that we've done our best to remain faithful and not lose hope- to not get discouraged or angry.  That shows that we've made a lot of progress and I know that this growth has come from the power of The Book of Mormon and prayer both individually and as a family.  We've been so diligent and despite the hards times, the lack of peace of mind, we've felt the Spirit and had peace and faith that Heavenly Father is watching out for us and things will be ok, peace of conscience.  On Friday as we were trying to figure out what to do about getting our van back we got a miraculous call from Robert's mom saying that she was going to take over our payments on the van for the next year- for the rest of what we owed.  This came out of nowhere and we knew it was an answer to prayer- that Heavenly Father was blessing us through Cande.  We were humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude.  When we talked to Lenny however, the man who we bought the car from, our high spirits were soon depleted.  We found out that he wasn't willing to accept anything less than the 2 months due plus an additional $350 for the repoe fee.  That came to about $1000 which we certainly don't have.  It was a low blow and I honestly don't feel it's fair or right of Lenny.  Unfortunately there was nothing we could do about it.  I talked to Bishop on Sunday with hopes of getting help to pay that money but for some reason he didn't offer to help.  I really didn't ask.  I suppose if he felt it was the right thing to do or felt inspired to help us he would have- in fact I'm sure he would have.  So I left feeling a little confused and bummed but at the same time I felt a peace.  Also yesterday we realized our internet/cable was shut off.  Today we woke up to the pleasant reality that our cell phone service was shut off and later today I got a knock on the door from the We man (our gas provider) telling me he was disconnecting our gas service.  That created some tears from me.  It was hard to take.  I wanted to get mad but I didn't.  I remained calm and instead of going back to a bad habit like I usually would have done in a stressful situation like this, I prayed.  Then I did my scripture study.  I felt such peace and calm.  Robert called and we decided to use the money Robert's mom sent us (this is when we thought we only had to pay one month's due to get our van back) to pay our other bills- our cell phone and gas and get those services turned back on.  We came to the realization that we just cannot find a way to come up with the $1000 to get our van back.  It's devastating because we do need and love our van and it's really going to hurt our credit and ruin our chances of ever getting another car on credit with a repoe on our record.  And we only had one year left to pay with the relief of knowing that we wouldn't have to pay the payments until we paid Cande back next year with our taxes.  It's really sad and disappointing.  But we had to come to the realization that we thought of everything we could and there's nothing we can do.  So we had to let it go.  And it was not easy but at the same time, I know I personally, felt a peace that everything will be ok.  And I have faith that because we are beings so diligent in trying to live righteously the best that we can, and are paying our tithing even though it's really hard to, Heavenly Father will take care of us.  I don't say that in a way to mean I think he's going to give us money and a new car- but we will be provided with opportunities to work and provide for ourselves.  As devastating as this could have been and hard for us to take, we've felt peace and hope.  Words can't express my appreciation for this peace and assurance.  It's miraculous.  I was also able to have a nice long chat with my dad about all this and it felt so good to open up with him and be honest and to feel his love and support in return.  I love him so much and am so grateful to have this chance to be so close to him right now.  It's priceless.  We had a great FHE tonight from the Nursery Manual- which I love so much, about family prayer and faith.  I really felt the Spirit and I can see the changes in my kids that having FHE, family prayer and scripture study and reading to them from the Book of Mormon daily, has had on them.  They just seem so much more content and obedient and full of joy.  Joaquin's suffering from another horrible rash/infection on his bum but I know he will be ok and I'm grateful I have more patience this time around to comfort him and help him.  We have been sticking to our bedtime routine very diligently the past couple of weeks and it's been wonderful- my kids are getting enough sleep and sleeping in their own beds and it just feels great.  I've been grumpy off and on the past couple of days which I'm not proud of but I'm doing better and prayer is helping me to overcome the grumpiness.  So that's about where we are right now.  On the surface things don't look so great for our family- but on the inside, where it really matters, things couldn't be better.  My family is my life and I'm so grateful we are healthy, happy and together forever.  Life couldn't be better!!