Wednesday May 12, 2010

Today I was productive and I'm grateful for the energy I had that allowed me to be.  However I was a bit grumpy and snippy with my kids which I don't like.  I finally got my room cleaned up along with the kids' rooms and that feels good.  I worked all day and didn't waste time so I'm proud of myself.  Tomorrow I have to tackle the basement (I shudder at the thought- it's a tornado zone down there), the laundry and the actual cleaning- cleaning.  It feels so good to finally be on the up though.  I had to talk to the Bishop today about getting help with groceries which I hate doing.  It's so embarrassing.  But we need the help.  I still don't know how we are going to pay the rest of our bills.  Our car loaner is threatening us and I have no idea how we're going to pay him.  It's stressful but I'm going to have faith and do what I can to be more wise about our money and finding a way out of this.  We will meet with Bishop on Sunday after church so it will be good to hear his counsel.  I just hate being in this situation and the reality is really starting to hit me that we have to move out of this house that I love so much because we just can't afford to live here.  I hate that reality because I truly love this home.  But we have to do what we have to do to survive.  And even though I don't want to move I'm hoping even more that Robert gets this job in VA because I'm so sick of struggling financially.  Just have faith Sarah... just have faith.  I'm pretty beat so I'm headed to bed.  I'm looking forward to finishing get my house clean and in order tomorrow and I will be nicer to my kids.  I love them so much.  It's a stormy night and I love it.  I really do love rain and thunder.  I need to take time to enjoy such blessings more.