Thursday May 20, 2010

It's been a rough day.  Yesterday was pretty good.  The weather was beautiful and I just had a nice day.  Today our van was repossessed.  It was humiliating and horrible.  We're hoping to get it back but I have no idea how we're going to come up with the money.  Baily was wondering why they were taking our car and she decided it was because they were taking it to get fixed.  I was feeling bad and praying for help and strength to get through this faithfully without getting angry or losing hope.  At first I felt like maybe I'm being punished right now for my recent sins that I'm trying to repent of.  Then I realized that we are suffering the consequences of our poor financial choices.  But even that doesn't seem right because we are trying to be honest and I have no doubt we would pay all our bills on time and stop avoiding debt collectors (which I know is not right) if we had money to pay.  Then as I thought about it more I realized that Satan's working real hard on us right now because we are making some big changes in our lives to be more righteous and raise our family in righteousness- like we've been really diligent about family prayer and scriptures and each individually reading The Book of Mormon.  In the past couple of weeks, as I've recommitted to reading my scriptures every day, my testimony of The BOM has grown so much and I know that Satan does not want us to have this awesome blessing in our lives.  I realize now that that's where my bad mood came from out of nowhere on Monday.  So with this enlightenment I've received I'm determined to not let the adversary get us down or deter us from living righteously.  I honestly feel like right now we are doing all we can to live righteously and do what we can to support our family.  I know we need to figure out a way to get out of this but I don't know how.  But I will have faith that Heavenly Father will help guide us and inspire us on what to do so that we can be financially independent and secure.  That doesn't mean that I believe that someone's going to knock on the door and give us a million dollars.  I know that faith without works is dead and we need to be productive and do our part to make things- blessings happen.  And I know that He will help us find the solution.  I will not give up hope.  I will not give up faith.  Right now things are tough- we are struggling and going through major financial trials.  But we must "be strong and of good courage" for the Lord will not forsake us.  I know that is true.